Day 12 - Nicaragua (Ometepe)

Well today has indeed been quite exciting! I was expecting a quiet pony ride along some dusty roads and then home for tea and scones but what I ended up with was MUCH more fun. I've never been on a horse before outside of a paddock and then only twice that I can recall.

Prep;

Itinerary briefing - none

Safety briefing - none

Horse operating instructions - none

Equipment check;

Helmet - none

Long trousers - none

Riding boots - hiking sandals only

That was that, so with a swift slap on horsey's rump by my guide, we're off into the unknown. The faint shout of, 'Don't worry mister, everything will be bueno' from the hotel owner caught in my ears, before us dos amigos got eaten up by the jungle trail. 

And so we started climbing the larger of the two volcanoes that make up Ilas de Ometepe (I neglected to inform that there are two, didn't want to confuse but Nicaraguan volcanoes appear to come in pairs). 

My main concern was not falling off. My second worry was not looking too much of a dick, so after about 20mins and once I'd found my stirrups, I began to showboat and rode one handed. I discovered that this was about twenty times cooler looking than two hands clinging onto the saddle horn thingy. And as it happens, actually helps with balance. While I'm generally pretty comfortable with ball or hand/eye coordination stuff, I am legendarily poor at balancey things. Anything that kept me in the saddle AND improved coolosity, was fine by me. 

Unfortunately, this also had the effect of erroneously improving the confidence of my guide in me. And so he gave my horsey another slap and we leapt into something of a canter. He 'Yeee Haaaar'd', I, being British, did nothing of the sort. As the pace quickened, the scenery started to blur and my worries began to turn to oxygen deprivation and asphyxiation. At those speeds and those G's, the human body can only soak up so much. We MUST have been hammering along at 8mph, possibly more. 

Thank goodness my canny old nag detected my discomfort, or he was just fed up of my arse pounding his spine to ruin because after a few miles, he slowed to a trot and then walk. In addition, we'd reached the base of the volcano and he knew what lay ahead. 

We began the climb - and here I need to make a point. This is a densely forested steep ole volcano we're talking about here. There is a trail of sorts but it's not exactly Disney Main Street I can tell you. Cutting to the chase, we wound our way up, stopping periodically to machete our way through and on occasion, dismounting. Poor old horsey couldn't mange himself AND fatty on his back in some places. I did get given a stick with which to encourage horsey along but that just didn't seem like cricket and I avoided using it as much as poss. Carrying me on his back all day felt like punishment enough. 

In the end we came to a place where we simply couldn't go any further. So we parked the ponies and hiked to a viewpoint some distance short of the summit and took a break and a look around. It took us about two and a half hours to get there. Hopefully the pics will give you the sense that it was all worthwhile. 

By the time we got back, I was covered in bruises, cuts, and ripped apparel but had a really really excellent time doing it. It was a complete adventure and something very new for me. It was just an hombre and his trusty steed - and another hombre and his trusty steed too I guess - blazing a frontiersmans trail through an untamed and unforgiving jungle/volcano. Very romantic really. The notion, not me and the other hombre you understand. It wasn't Brokeback Mountain or anything. 

Damage report;

Plums - badly bruised. Additional offspring now highly unlikely.

Inside calves - skin completely abraded away.

Thighs - unnaturally and irrevocably parted.

Arse - missing, presumed killed in action. 

T-shirt - ripped beyond the talent of any tailor.

Head - hurty. Mucho low branches.

Overall - completely worthwhile. 

Me and horsey when I'd gotten around to riding one handed. I was shooting out of the saddle - YEEEEE HAAAAARR! 

View from upon high

Horsey and I 

The jungle did leap out and attack me frequently. Still, no gain without pain

Just a couple of semi-serious points to close on. 

I honestly don't think it's a trip for every first time rider. On this occasion, I did find horse riding fine and balancing myself on horsey throughout not a problem but that wasn't a dead cert and I could have come off onto some volcanic rock pretty easily. It's tough terrain, not a walk up and down Blackpool beach on a donkey. I'm glad they didn't ask many questions, as any responsible tour operator wouldn't have let me near it and I'd have missed out. Hey, one of the benefits of touring Central America. 

As far as I could tell, and I'm not a vet, the horses were in decent enough nick and I saw no evidence of maltreatment by the guy, in fact he was pretty on the ball and kept adjusting straps etc. to keep them comfortable. Mine was responsive and mostly(!) willing. Overall, I didn't have any welfare concerns for them at all. If I had, I'd've thought twice about going.