Day 3 - Panama (City)

Another sunny day, another long walk (I have no real clue how far I walk but if you do 3.5-4 hours at fair clip, that's got to be about 10 miles hasn't it?) Exercise is becoming a bit of a habit it seems. I'd say that Panama City is almost walkable but not quite. Taxis are quite cheap anyway and somewhat necessary to avoid being mugged at night in the rough bits i.e. where I'm staying. 

A few words on the hostel. I haven't done a review for some while. 

Hostel Mamallena

Welcome - 5 Cervezas

Very knowledgable and friendly 24hr desk with drinks etc available. They know what they're doing.

Rooms - 3 Cervezas

Perfectly adequate but no private bathroom, which regular readers will know is something of a preference of mine. The rooms do have a fairly comfy bed and air-con which is good.

Price - 3 Cervezas

About three times the price of comparable accommodation in SE Asia but then this isn't SE Asia. It's about right for the region. $30 per night for a private room. 

Shower - 2 Cervezas

One temperature, whatever comes out of the tap. Actually, it's quite cold but the weather here makes that more refreshing than anything else. 

Overall - 3 Cervezas

That feels a bit mean really. It is what it is. A cheap place to stay with a warm welcome and helpful advice on how to get around. I really ought to bump it upto a 4. 

I also went to the Panama Canal today, well a bit of it at least. It was absolutely awesome to watch the Atlantic run off into the Pacific. Quite spine tingling to think that man made that happen. The engineering itself is only partially visible and stretched on well beyond my vantage point. So the overall experience is probably best appreciated by those for whom canals really is their thing. I did enjoy it though and it's such an icon. They also have visitor centre there with the history of the build etc. I'm very happy to spend a few hours wandering around museums but my field of historical interest is a bit narrow, so I gave that a miss. There are organised tours from the city which run to about $135. I just caught a cab there and back with a ticket on the door. $35 all in. 

My Spanish is slowly improving. I now have about five words in my lexicon, oh, plus another one that someone offered me via text that I haven't had cause to use. A typical exchange with virtually anyone is; 'Quando dollar?' (Reply is usually ridiculously high) 'QUANDO?? No way man!' I had to walk home off the back of my aggressive negotiation stance last night. Which I regretted as I entered ghetto town. I'm a man of principle though and kept telling myself that as I hurried through this dark backwater, wiping my frightened tear streaked face as I went. 

I also had another haircut today (it's all go here I can tell you!). My second foray into the unpredictable world of haircut by sign language. I quite like it! It's a little bit dangerous! The adrenalin rush as a super sized, big breasted Latino (far more focused on her phone than my Barnet) scythes through my locks is quite something! She managed to add some additional peril by turning me away from the mirror until she was finished. So I had no idea what was going on until the big reveal. I've had worse. Quite recently as it happens. Turns out she was quite dexterous for such a big unit. 

The Panama Canal in some of its glory. You had to be there I guess. 

Some of my dedicated followers will get something out of this one. Nothing screams quality in the deep fat fryer world quite as loud as a Croydon (do we have those at home? ....Maybe we do.)

Further evidence, if any were needed, that Panama is a sophisticated nation. Probably the heaviest beer in the world. Up the Irons! ...and I was listening their back catalogue only yesterday! 

Day 2 - Panama (City)

Ok, ok. I wrote the day 1 blog entry when I was very tired and very grumpy. I'm putting this entry together from a rooftop bar overlooking Panama City watching the sun go down, so this is likely to be a somewhat chirpier affair! 

Panama City is an interesting mix of modern and traditional. It's rough and sleazy, yet cosmopolitan and flash in parts. There's a light touch of Americana somewhere in the background but has an utterly Latin soul. Architecturally and for its mix of cultural influences It reminds me of Singapore more than a little. 

I arrived late at night and was invited to as many parties in fifteen minutes than I've been invited to in fifteen years. I attended a couple just so as not to appear impolite. It appears that every street corner holds a loud boozy nightly bash just because they can. By the time the rum and cerveza had washed away most of the jet lag, the urge to rhumba became barely containable. I also smoked something that I'm fairly certain didn't come with a Philip Morris quality seal. It had no effect - although I did have a very nice dream about pixies and flowers and woke up surprisingly peckish. 

In an effort to get rid of mountains of plum pudding and Xmas turkey, I went for a loooong walk today. Another ten miler or so. The roads are remarkably navigable for a busy city, presumably everyone is always too drunk or hungover to drive. The weather is quite warm. I don't recall ever having sweaty eyelids before. The approved attire in Panama is denim hot pants, into which one squeezes as much mulatto flesh as possible. Anything unable to fit is left to ooze out and catch whatever breeze can be found. 

All in all, I'm mightily impressed with PC at present! I think I'm going to enjoy Central America. 

A rare example of everything where it ought to be. On the whole, there is mucho junk in grande trunks. I thought I'd keep the blog free of gratuitous flesh for the time being. 

Singapore ......sorry, Panama City skyline. 

Bright young things interrupting my quiet beer on the roof. 

Day 1 - London

Ok, Just a quick review of Xmas in the UK. Overall, awful. TV this year hit an all-time low after several years of consistently being rubbish. I'm glad I wasn't at home long enough to sit through more than a few hours of train crash reality shows and low rent sit-coms. The only bright moment was the excellent Bond movie. In fairness, the social side of Xmas was absolutely superb. It was brilliant to finally share the recent travel exploits and to reveal some of the stories that didn't make it into the blog. I did rather selfishly turn most conversations towards 'me' but people were generally kind enough to indulge me in these self-centred moments. Still, I'm glad to have got back to adventuring after just a very short festive UK stay.

I've risked not packing any cold weather clothing for this leg and I do hope I won't live to regret that decision. The research I've done suggests I'll need nothing more than a thong and some flip-flops (they are two different things for any Aussie readers) but my research has proven flawed previously. So we'll see.

It wasn’t until I was challenged at LHR T3 check-in for some paperwork that I remembered something. Every time I find myself going to or going though the US I wish I’d not bothered or found a way not to. 

The US Immigration Service make it such a massive pain in the arse to get in, I’m surprised there is any significant international air travel to or from the USA at all. 

No-one in the US appears to own a passport so by implication no-one really wants to leave. Anyone volunteering to undertake the visa/temporary visa (ESTA) immigration documentation followed by the endless cattle prodded queue towards unsmiling, self-important functionaries in crisp uniforms, who, believing themselves to be something more than just a drone just because someone gave them a badge with ‘Supervisor’ printed on it, asks a lengthy series of pointless questions, before waving you through with a few unnecessary and unfeeling platitudes, ranging from, 'have a good day' all the way up to, 'have a great day’ depending on whether they’re sleepy brains register you as an actual human being or just an animated bag of mostly water and not so rare minerals, has got to be certifiable...... And breathe. 

I honestly found it less of a trauma to get into Uzbekistan - and I attempted that in a different language that I didn’t understand while stinking like a World War One latrine.  

Not that I don’t have a soft spot for America you understand, it’s just the petty bureaucracy and titular lunacy in some American institutions that makes one both wince and shake the head in bemused frustration. Still if you can’t beat them, join them.

Neil Penn

Senior Vice President of Unnecessary Blog Verbiage and Criminally Long Sentence Structure 

(European Division) 

Initial Planning

Well there hasn't been any. Surprised?? I fly to Panama City on 27th December and fly back from Belize City on 3rd Feb. That's it. That's the plan.
I'm now fairly well seasoned as a traveller but Central America is a different proposition. I'm looking forward to seeing the difference in how to get from A-B if there is any, and learn a bit more about a part of the world I know precious little about.

I was thinking about starting this with a quote from the film that the blog is named after - but I couldn't find anything suitable. And in any case, the film references in my last blog were getting a bit obscure towards the end. Unless one had a working knowledge of Vietnam war movies or knew the script of Bladerunner backwards, it was probably a bit of a weird read. So this time, I might throw the odd thing in, because I'm stubborn and it's my blog, but I won't pepper every post with them.

I'm also not going to be publishing posts every day this time. I'm going to bunch them up and post in a multi-pack arrangement. It's too much pressure to find wi-fi connections in the middle of a jungle or desert and people only start worrying if I don't post stuff for a few days. So I'll say up front, if you don't hear anything from me in a few days, I'm probably fine and having a great time. If you don't hear anything from me in a fortnight, I'm probably dead or in prison.

I hope the weather out there is good. I'm still taking my trusty hoodie, just in case.

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